“Ordure, ordure!”

By Mr Rushforth

Look, it has to be said, Mr. Rushforth is sorry about your poke bowl or whatever it is you have instead of a decent breakfast, but ever since word got out that a majority of Tory MPs, including our Prime (pork and cheese) Minister-in-waiting, Liz Truss, voted against amending a bill to stop water companies dumping raw sewage into Britain’s rivers and seas, then the so-called ‘woke’ community of Britain has lost its mind over what Mr Rushforth can only describe as a trifling, fecal matter.

Why, in Charles Dickens’ time, our scatological sketcher opines, piles of human excrement, three storeys high, were a common sight in every borough of London and provided gainful employment for all manner of nightsoilmen, mudlarks, apothecaries, mountebanks and children and it is typical of the negativity that abounds in our contemporary culture that a return to a time when Britannia and other buoyant objects ruled the waves should be decried.

The country is in a parlous condition; tackling all that currently besets us, through no fault of the government, requires bold steps and it is our stool-bound sketcher’s humble opinion that we should heed our leaders. If spreading the contents of British bowels upon British beaches will get this nation back on its feet, then he is all for it.

It is, then, in a spirit of hope, that Mr Rushforth offers his latest portrait of the valiant Truss, mainstay of our nation, emboldened by the pressing needs of her people, riding into a new, golden (or perhaps, brown) dawn.

As The Speaker of the House of Commons might say, “Ordure, ordure!”