So I’ve been thinking about what the Tories are going to offer at the next election, and I think I’ve worked it out. 1: CUT MIGRATION Brexit stopped the migrant-returns agreement, and their brilliant Point Based System led to far more immigrants than what it replaced. So basically, their big policy is: undo their last […]
Rishi Sunak’s long-anticipated reshuffle was less significant for its scale than for its surprises. The news broke at 8.35am: Suella Braverman had been sacked. It later emerged there would not be the customary exchange of letters, where the outgoing minister says it has been the honour of their life to serve and the prime minister […]
Here’s the Year 6 (11 year olds) ‘writing-for-a-purpose’ attempt from this week’s new chairman of the Conservatives. So proud is Richard Holden of his party that he decided to skip pasting in the logo. Astonishingly, it appears that ministers have all been endowed with magical powers which have made them instantly successful in all their […]
Warning: contains strong language. Somehow, it’s time for #TheWeekInTory again, even though it’s still only Monday. Four more days of this week to go, and we’re already up to 74 points. F*ck-a-doodle-doo! Anyway, do a quick snort of glue, and then let’s get stuck in. 1. Suella Braverman took a break from kidnapping dalmatians to say […]
Rishi closes his eyes to think. This time next year he’ll have left this all behind. California. Sunshine. No annoying questions from annoying journalists. Surrounded by people he can relate to. Despite all the damage, Rishi knows he has the chance to do one good thing today. This culture war stuff was never really his […]
I apologise, but try as I might, I can’t find any material for #TheWeekInTory. Only kidding. It’s an absolute casserole. Let’s down a pint of absinthe and get stuck in. Also – trigger warning. [Contains strong language] 1. We begin with the Covid inquiry, which revealed the shocking news that everything we all knew three years […]
Sign the petition here! Back in December 2021, journalist Stefan Simanowitz pulled together a long thread alerting people to the risks to our democracy and data privacy from Palantir, the shadowy data, surveillance and genomics firm (whose founder, right-wing, libertarian billionaire Peter Thiel, was a Tump donor and one of the largest donors to the […]
Delighted to be publishing Russ again. This episode of the week in Tory is a cracker. Contains strong language. 1. Britain faces a crisis in health, education, farming, energy, housing, childcare, social care, imports, exports, manufacturing, services, debt, growth and infrastructure, so Rishi Sunak announced his grand plan to slightly alter A-Levels. 2. As Sunak finished […]
Hello South-westerners, My name is M I Birtwhistle, retired secret service officer, and I live in a small Somerset village where I’ve kept my neighbours up to date on government thinking almost every month for the last fifteen years. By a strange quirk of family history I recently found I was entitled to a place […]
Nadine Dorries’ resignation letter in full. It was quite fun to read. I fluctuated between “what on earth is she talking about” to “ha ha, she’s bang on there”; a mixture of whining “poor me” to real hatred towards Sunak! Wow – a lot of the things she thinks she achieved during her time as […]
Suella Braverman is the kind of person who cuts corners and ploughs on regardless. Nothing gets in her way. Not our constitution. Not parliamentary sovereignty. Not the rule of law. Now, in her latest project, the Bibby Stockholm detention barge for asylum seekers, those behaviours have put the lives of people under her department’s care […]
We’re just waiting for the Conservatives to take credit for the Lionesses’ epic win, to be honest, but in the meantime, here are the latest shocker whoppers being trotted out to con the public. The fall in the rate of inflation is all down to government policies and the refusal to pay public sector workers […]
Could have done 100, to be honest, but it would just be even more depressing. It’s important that we don’t let the Conservatives get away with these and other dreadful lies: New gas drilling will reduce domestic bills. Desperate people arriving on boats are the cause of all our woes. Government has no control when […]
How many people have been nudged, goaded or battered into believing that the NHS is now beyond saving? How many have been nudged, goaded or battered into believing that privatisation for some or all services is the only way forward? What a very clever campaign the Conservatives have fought! How very happy their many private […]
It’s amazing how, as a country, we seem to let Sunak and this government do things which are bad for us, bad for our kids, bad for the planet and then suck it up while they tell us it’s all good or use their actions to create more division and anger in society. It’s pretty […]
Every day in Toryland seems crazier and more disturbing then the last, doesn’t it? We are in the middle of a climate emergency and a cost-of-living crisis. The energy companies are making outrageous profits from ordinary people. The Tories have shrugged off landmark defeats in two by-elections as nothing, while Labour ties itself in knots […]
They really don’t care, do they, these Conservatives? They don’t care how they’re seen by the public. They don’t care if they break the law. They don’t care about the optics of selecting accused/under-investigation rapists retaining the whip. They don’t care about trashing the economy/the environment/the NHS/people’s lives or the UK’s reputation. Instead, they appear […]
Part I: pop on the galoshes of despair, and let’s wade into The Week In Tory ! Warning! Contains strong language… and how could it not? 1. Remember that time, ages ago, when Boris Johnson was found to be a liar, ditched by his party in a 354 to 7 vote, humiliated in front of the […]
The following Conservative MPs do not think Johnson is a liar or that truth and parliamentary democracy matter. They did not vote to support the recommendations of the privileges committee. Some may have had legitimate reasons for not voting: ill/paired etc Christopher Chope Chris Loder Richard Drax Conor Burns…knighted by the liar Johnny Mercer Derek […]
Now that he can officially be referred to as the liar he is, we call on Sunak to rescind Johnson’s shabby list of (dis)honours for cronies and fans, many of whom continue to show contempt for the work of the Privileges Committee and thus disrespect for our parliamentary democracy. Please sign this petition. Thank you. […]
This isn’t a resignation statement; it’s a temper tantrum. And its central claim is untrue. Johnson says he was “forced out anti-democratically” by a “kangaroo court”. So let’s remind ourselves of the process from which he has chosen to run away… Resignation statement in full as Boris Johnson steps down Johnson was accused of a […]
Warning: contains strong language and adult humour! Here we go… 1. Let’s start with PartyGate, and joyless claymation ethics droid Rishi Sunak decided to sue his own inquiry for having the temerity to ask to see the things he always said it could see. 2. He said he wouldn’t hand over WhatsApp messages that are “unambiguously irrelevant” . […]
For a change, I’m going to begin the latest edition of The Week In Tory with some news about Labour. Don't think this makes things any better, because it doesn't. I implore you, by all you hold dear, not to read this. Under Labour, NHS wait averaged 9 weeks. After 13 years in power, the […]
After 13 years in power, the Conservatives want us to believe that the UK is safe in their hands. This article explains how, given a just a few more years, they can complete their transformation of the UK into a playground for their donors – at our expense: There has been a successful, but gradual, unwinding of […]
Boris Johnson is not a liar. He is a bullshitter. There is a difference. A liar knows (and cares) what the truth is, and is attempting to conceal it. A bullshitter doesn't care. For a bullshitter, whatever he says becomes the new truth. Bullshitters don't think they're "lying", because (in their minds) the utter shite […]
If you didn’t watch the Johnson lie/excusathon, here’s a potted summary. Disappointingly, the King James Bible did not spontaneously combust at the touch of the former PM’s mendacious fingers, but the smell of burning boxer shorts was definitely in the air. The Privileges Committee’s questioning, under Harriet Harman’s quietly authoritative chairmanship, was a model of […]
A man walks into a greengrocer and asks for a kilo of tomatoes. The greengrocer tells him, “That’s £50, please, mate”. The man is shocked. ‘£50? Last week these tomatoes only cost me £2!’ ‘Well, today it is £50.’ ‘But why £50? You’re having a laugh!’ The greengrocer says, ‘I’ll explain it: – £2 for […]
Dear Editor, Selecting the chair of the BBC is almost Britain’s equivalent of finding the next Pope. He or she must be immaculate and must be an unassailable tightrope-walker in terms of political /social/religious balance. Why? Because the BBC is OUR BBC and we insist, indeed the BBC Charter insists, on political, social and religious […]
As the Conservatives continue their race to the bottom it is clear that they are in denial. They deny that Brexit was an act of stupidity and wanton self-harm. They deny that Liz Truss and Kwasi Kwarteng caused a disaster. They will deny that ‘Levelling Up’ has died in a ditch. And they will deny […]
Many senior former Conservatives have warned us about the current state of their party. Philip Hammond wrote: “the Conservative party has been taken over by unelected advisers, entryists and usurpers who are trying to turn it from a broad church into an extreme right-wing faction. Sadly, it is not the party I joined.” Anna Soubry said […]