A richly scatological analysis of the parlous state of our domestic politics by multi-award-winning author, A L Kennedy. This article first appeared as Handgranaten gefüllt mit Dummheit in Süddeutsche Zeitung
I know, it’s mystifying. Popo, our killer clown, the dog turd on our national mantelpiece – why is he still Prime Minister? The answers to that question reveal our apparently helpless ride down a luge run of frozen vomit into fascism as farce – farceism?
Popo has surrounded himself with venal freaks he can blackmail, bully and bribe, while their ‘baked in’ corruption and gleeful ideological vandalism are crushing our infrastructure and welfare state. This means that our government is rapidly running out of the money that allows it to operate. Meanwhile, Brexit has barely begun destroying our economy. Our next Prime Minister will inherit a howling wilderness of pain. Only an utterly selfless semi-saint, devoted to public service, would want the job – and our roiling culture war makes it certain a virtue-signalling snowflake cuck like that will never get near power.
Look behind you, Popo…
Of course any truly, irretrievably, twisted and toweringly stupid sadist would love the job… And we have so many. Misanthropic, Edwardian stick insect Jacob Rees Mogg is now trolling us by being Minister of State for Brexit Opportunities and Government Efficiency. His shadowy web of hedge funds – relocated to Ireland – does know all about Brexit opportunity. For Mogg, efficient government is a feral vacuum that may involve compulsory monocle-wearing. And compulsory blinding. Culture Secretary and drunk racist aunt at your wedding, Nadine Dorries, is the intellectual equivalent of severe concussion, but hungry for those Culture War escalations of hysteria. Home Secretary Priti Patel longs to wear more uniforms and oversee refugee drownings, new detention camps and the final removal of EU, black and Roma people from the UK. Dominic Raab – face of a punched weasel, intelligence of a pencil sharpener – is our Secretary of State for Justice and has never seen a human right he didn’t want to waterboard in a basement. Ian Duncan Smith still lurks on the back benches, architect of a torture machine benefits system which grinds on, sanctioning and humiliating claimants, always happy to purge more claimants. Death by starvation, by stress, by suicide – all keeping those outgoings [?] down…
Our list of human hand grenades filled with cruel stupidity goes on – and probably corresponds to the guest lists of many raucous lockdown gatherings held while our relatives died horribly alone. One massive threat is plausible millionaire Destroyer of the Exchequer Rishi Sunak. Having helped precipitate the 2007 economic crash as a hedge fund manager, he is now the neat-looking one who can do complete sentences. He is likely to be our next Prime Minister – if he wasn’t provably at any of the Number 10 parties and if we can forget he gave a sum greater than the annual budget for Scotland to a well-connected incompetent who then failed to produce a functional Test and Trace system exactly when we needed it. As he forgives billions in high level Covid fraud and we head for 10 per cent inflation, he is poised to raise interest rates and national insurance. He’s the man who turned a scheme to offer us low price meals and boost the hospitality industry into a wildly fatal experiment in mass infection. He is absolutely okay with death as a side effect of profit. Our two largest energy companies make £4.5 million per hour, but he’s overseeing a 54 per cent increase in energy bills. Both the ‘loans’ he’s ‘giving’ us to ease that shock and our ‘repayments’ will go direct to energy companies. Effectively, we’ll be paying tax to private corporations. As the financial tsunami rises to blot out our sun, Sunak simply tells us to brace ourselves.
The struggle to 54:
Naturally, the Conservatives can’t replace Popo with a different sociopath unless 54 MPs submit letters in a Hogwartian ritual of arcane significance. But even Popo’s recent amplification of a Far Right slur about the Labour Leader and Jimmy Savile hasn’t generated enough complaints, nor did the mob his words conjured.
The Gentle Art of Smear Tetris
The Savile smear is just part of our national game of Smear Tetris – a game Popo wants to appropriate. Smear Tetris works like this. Pick whoever you want to destroy, then cycle through smears until one fits. Jeremy Corbyn, lifelong antiracist and ally of Jewish people gets rebranded as an antisemite. Nicola Sturgeon – advocate of women’s rights and trans rights – gets reframed as a fan of rapist men in dresses. We live in a country where up is down, down is up and there are somehow always spikes waiting at the end of all directions. MP Ian Blackford can say, correctly, that Popo is a lying liar who lies… and be the one forced to leave the debating chamber. Our government is actively destroying our government. We pay them – they won’t do their jobs. Just as our main opposition party regularly declines to oppose.
And Justice is Injustice, as Popo breaks the law, but is simply asked to fill in a questionnaire rather than being flattened to the pavement and handcuffed by coppers unfamiliar with the mechanics of positional asphyxia. Almost daily our police – in particular the Metropolitan police – are revealed to be staggeringly corrupt and linked in corruption with both our government and our media. The same government and media rebrand Truth as Fiction. A populace which was on the streets and demonstrating as never before in 2019 is silent, confined by rampant Covid, and due to see its right to protest removed. And, even when it isn’t garlanding our beaches, Shit is Not Shit. So it stays on our mantlepiece and stinks.