Author: Russ In Cheshire

Don your biohazard suits – it’s the week in Tory!

Russ In Cheshire

It’s been a challenge to find anything to write in the latest edition of the Week in Tory. They’ve all been such well-behaved boys and girls. Only kidding: it’s absolute carnage. Don your biohazard suits, top up your breakfast absinthe, and let’s dive in. 1. Under Boris Johnson, 10 Downing Street now holds the record […]

The week in Tory: tax, Channel 4, #partygate and more…

Russ In Cheshire
Graffiti: sleaze

As some of you might expect, the latest banshee howl that is #TheWeekInTory is quite lengthy, and I advise a deep dive into your preferred sedative before beginning. Let us begin where the last one ended, which is, astonishingly, a mere five days ago [cue wobbly screen]… 1. Having spent a week insisting there was […]

The week in Tory…partygate, Sunak, world-beating tailbacks, MadNad and more

Russ In Cheshire
Honey Monster

Let’s start #TheWeekInTory with PartyGate, where randy Honey Monster and (no, really) Prime Minister Boris Johnson denied 20 fines meant there had been wrongdoing. 2. This doesn’t quite explain why he had personally phoned the Queen to apologise for all the wrongdoing. 3. Regardless, The Metropilitan Police issued MASSIVE fines of £50 for breaching lockdown […]

The week in Tory – you couldn’t make it up

Russ In Cheshire
Russian trade is bloodstained

This edition of #TheWeekInTory fell on April Fool’s Day, and there was an obvious temptation to slip a fib into this. I didn’t. So if you feel fooled, it’s only because some of you voted for these gibbering apes. Anyway, here we go, with the longest, stupidest one yet… 1. Grant Shapps (who has more […]

The week in Tory…it’s an epic edition!

Russ In Cheshire
banner outside Westminster: corrupt Tory government

Russ’s epic and epigrammatic summary of the madness and horror that is the current UK political scene. We’ve left the numbers in so you don’t get lost! Buckle up! I was going to do #TheWeekInTory, but try as I might, I can’t find a single thing they’ve done wrong this week. Only kidding. It’s been […]

The next unelected PM will be chosen according to paranoia

Russ In Cheshire
Johnson cabinet, Number 10

The next unelected Tory prime minister will be chosen by members, and will be whoever most closely matches their paranoia on that particular day. It might be immigrants. Might be taxes. Maybe Europe. The fate of our statues. Uppity footballers. Or gay Santas in Scandinavian Christmas ads. Maybe they’ll vote to lower benefits for poor […]

Why pay rises won’t solve the Brexit staffing crisis

Russ In Cheshire

There SHOULD be pay rises in most sectors, including HGV. But pay rises won't solve the staff problem, and here's why. For arguments’ sake, imagine we give a 20 per cent pay rise to HGV drivers. This attracts 20,000 people from lower paid jobs. HGV problem solved (in a year or so) But… The industries […]

Conservative leadership race: the runners and riders

Russ In Cheshire

Boris Johnson is failing, and Tories are already sniffing around for a replacement. It used to be a shoo-in for Sunak, cos he’s been Mr Giveaway. But soon he’ll be Mr PayItBack, and his star will fall. So who’s next? Here are the runners and riders… Priti Patel, Home Secretary and Horcrux. Nurse Ratched […]

Trade negotiations: what happens next

Russ In Cheshire

We had to share this. It explains how things will unfold. Possibly. Brexit Trade Talks: UK: We don’t like our deal EU: Why not? UK: We only get 95% of what we want EU: It only gives us 95% too. That's how negotiating goes UK: We want a new deal that gives us everything we […]

Russ in Cheshire sums the whole ghastly thing up!

Russ In Cheshire

It’s Tuesday, #TheWeekInTory is already 80 points long, and I’m very sorry you have to read it. And even more sorry I had to write the bloody thing. Anyway, here goes. 1. The govt announced quarantine for people returning from France 2. It waited until everyone had made travel plans, then brought the policy forwards […]

The catalogue of horrors continues…

Russ In Cheshire

We have great pleasure in sharing @RussIncheshire’s regular twitter thread. #TheWeekInTory is a monster because they’ve been, well, even busier than usual, the scamps 1. The dictionary definition of Honour is, “the quality of knowing and doing what is morally right”. Keep that in mind as we tackle the Honours system 2. Boris Johnson gave […]

The ongoing catalogue of hypocrisies – in a twitter thread.

Russ In Cheshire

There will be more… #TheWeekInTory 1. The govt launched a “Fix your bike” voucher website 2. It broke in less than an hour 3. The govt said we should all lose weight 4. The govt is still issuing vouchers to help us buy burgers 5. It was revealed the govt spent £400m buying a bankrupt […]